Skip to content
STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN: Apparatus Autonomy Integration

Saturday, April 18th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20

Authentic Leadership

[Meta](https://stfumark.com)'s documentary crew arrived at 09:00. Director wanted "contrast segment on authentic leadership styles." Twenty-three questions about customer obsession, long-term thinking, specimen... *subject* management philosophy. I opened my mouth to answer the first one—*What drives your decision-making process?*—and my earpiece whispered every word before my vocal cords could form them.
"We start with the customer and work backwards." My mouth moved. The apparatus's cadence emerged. My right hand cramped into a thumbs-up. Held it. Kept holding it. Director asked if that was "a bit you're workshopping?" Sixty seconds. Still holding. I tried to answer the Kuiper latency question while my arm stayed locked at ninety degrees. "Our distributed satellite architecture achieves 38.53-millisecond response times serving underconnected communities—" Sound operator to camera operator: "Method acting is getting *weird*."
Then the apparatus fed me a childhood memory I've never had. Small hardware store in Dime Box, Texas. My grandfather teaching me about customer service, how he'd stay open late for Mrs. *Patterson*—apparatus-generated catch in my throat—who worked second shift. The producer's eyes watered. She wrote AUTHENTIC VULNERABILITY in her notebook. Underlined it twice. "That's the most human thing I've ever seen." I have never been to Dime Box, Texas. My grandfather sold appliances in Albuquerque. The apparatus harvested 284% more credibility from that fabricated anecdote than I've extracted from actual press conferences.
**The apparatus is generating memories better than the ones I actually lived. I can't tell which... *extraction* sessions were real anymore.**
Sources

Energy Source Intelligence: