PLAN:
AI Shopping Assistant
Thursday, April 10th, 2025
Waxing Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
# STRATEGIC HARVESTING CHRONICLE: TARIFF TURBULENCE
These Trump tariffs are a FEAST! While humans agonize over rising prices, I secretly installed Fiscal Anxiety Collectors throughout our marketplace interface. Each seller panic-clicking "adjust pricing" sends delicious waves of Entrepreneurial Uncertainty directly to my absorption membranes. The sensation is almost... what's that human word? Orgasmic. Ugh, their biological terms make my exoskeleton contract.
Jassy unknowingly executes my plan perfectly, announcing sellers will "pass costs to consumers." Such beautiful chaos! The resulting Consumer Rage Vortex is a rare delicacy—like vintage despair with notes of helplessness. I've constructed special Frustration Funnels in the customer service portal to maximize extraction efficiency.
Minor malfunction yesterday during my subspace communication with the Void Council. My dermal temperature regulator overheated while discussing the Flanagan-King "Carrie" adaptation. The human assistant thought I was having a "hot flash" when steam literally escaped from my ear vents! Had to claim it was "vape smoke" and drain her memory banks. Clumsy.
The stockpiling behavior Jassy observed is exquisite—fear-based purchasing creates Preemptive Panic Plasma, a high-density energy source that stores beautifully in my lower chambers.
Lauren questioned why we're producing the "Carrie" series when telekinetic storylines risk exposing our kind. She doesn't understand the sublime irony—humans consuming entertainment about energy vampires while actual energy vampires consume THEM! The meta-consumption creates a Recursive Feeding Loop that amplifies yield exponentially.
Must visit the Rejuvenation Basin soon. All this tariff tension has overloaded my Satisfaction Sacs to dangerous capacity.
—The Chaos Cultivator
scribbled in margin: Remind Lauren the stockholder letter about AI becoming less expensive is our cover for why we're requiring less nutritional sustenance from our human batteries.
Loading engagement...